“It was foul, and I loved it. I loved to perish. I loved my own error—not that for which…”

It was foul, and I loved it. I loved to perish. I loved my own error—not that for which I erred, but the error itself.

Augustine of Hippo · Confessions · NPNF1 I, Confessions, Book II, chapter iv, 9

The conclusion he draws from stealing pears he did not want and threw to the pigs: what he had enjoyed was not the fruit and not even the gain, but the wrongdoing, and that is what frightens him about it.